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At seven weeks and four days, I have officially left Turner to go back to work. I am confident getting a root canal with no pain meds would be easier (which says a lot considering my incredibly low pain tolerance).Image
Not only is today the first day I have left him for a full day of work, but today will be a 12 hour work day since I have a meeting tonight. I love my job. I am a reporter for the Macon County News in Franklin. Before Turner, I lived and breathed for it. 50 to 60 hours a week would be a light week. I welcomed the work and get such joy and pleasure out of working. I work seven days a week, I always have my phone on me answering calls or emails, doing whatever work I need to do to get the paper out. Even after Turner was born I stayed in touch with the office and worked from home starting at week two.
But being at work for the two hours I have been so far… I would walk out the door and leave it all behind right now. I would rather just hang out with Turner. He is less than two miles away from me right now and I know I will get to see him on my lunch break, but that is just not good enough. I want to see him now. I just want to physically be able to look at him and hear him cooing. I should not have to be in this office away from him. It is just not fair. I know he is in terrific hands, and while that makes it easier, it doesn’t make it ok.
Knowing I was going to be leaving him today, I stayed up with him all night last night. He woke up for his 1 o’clock feeding and I selfishly kept him up until a little before 3 a.m. Then when he wouldn’t stay awake any longer, I let him sleep until about 4:30. I couldn’t really sleep myself so from about 4:30 until I left him at 8:45 this morning I just held him and kissed him, and of course cried worse than when he pitches his most terrible fit. Is this normal? Am I just a werido. Maybe I am too obsessive, but as a first time mom, I just want to be with him all the time.
I still have about 10 hours left on the work day, and hopefully I will be able to get through it… but so far, leaving him has been one of the hardest things I have had to do. I physically ache inside. Everyone wanted me about the messy diapers, the sleepless nights, the fits of crying, but no one mentioned that it would be easier to convict Zimmerman of murder than it would be for me to go back to work!

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