Just a warning, you may not like what I have to say here.
So someone recently posted this article to Facebook: Why My Wife’s Job is Harder Than Mine.
This is an age old debate. While the guy who wrote that was probably trying to score some bonus points with his lady, this is a debate that I have put little input on here and there, but typically stay away from, but since it is Friday, and because I can, I thought I would put in my two cents.
First let me begin with the disclaimer that in NO way am I trying to be disrespectful to stay at home moms. My younger sister is a stay at home mother, and a dang good one at that. If she was not a stay at home mom, I would not have anyone to watch my son while I worked
First, I have a problem with statements regarding a woman’s role as a parent and man’s role as a parent because it defies all principle and arguments around gender equality. Women want the same jobs as men and to make the same pay as men, and while arguing those opinions, they turn right around and make claims about the difference gender plays in parenting. I think it is all bullcrap. This may come as a shocker, but I am a firm believe that women and mean are not equal. We were not created to be equal. We have never been equal. We will never be equal. These are facts of life. It may be a little hard to swallow, but facts nonetheless.
As far as equality in general goes, women and men are driven by different factors, and at the risk of straying too far from my intended point with this post, I will say in general, in a broad sense of what makes us different is that I think women who want to be equal to men make decisions based on the fact that they have something to prove. Women often take the stance that because of the fact that we a vagina, we have to work harder, work smarter, just work differently than men. With that mentality, decisions that may not typically need to be made, are made to prove that point. So that, is the fundamental basis of why, in my very humbled opinion, men and women have never and will never be equal.
Now back to my objection of the before-posted article. I am not a stay at home mom. I would give my right arm to be a stay at home mom. I would be a working stay at home mom, but in a heartbeat I would drop everything to be at home with my son. The article argues the stereotypical worth of stay at home moms by saying their “jobs” are planner, cleaner, cook, nurse, taxi service, so forth and so on. I despise this argument with every once of my being.
If that is what a stay at home mom does, then what am I? Chopped liver? I do not just work one full-time, 40 hour, 5 day a week job, but I also work a second full-time job, and on top of that I freelance on occasion. Some weeks I put in 90 hour weeks. So just because I am a working mother, does that mean that the cooking, cleaning, driving, and everything else glorified for stay at home mom’s do just doesn’t get done? I wish! Not only do I have the pain staking task of being away from my son for anywhere form 8-15 hours a day, some days doing nothing more than kissing his sleeping head before I leave in the morning and then again when I get home after he has already passed out for the night, meaning I do not even get to see him in a day’s time, but I balance that with phone calls, meetings and other daily work activities AND cooking dinner, cleaning the house, making sure Turner’s daycare arrangements are taking care of for the week, that he has diapers and food and his doctor appointments are scheduled and you know, everything else that comes along with this whole parenthood thing.
Please do NOT misunderstand me. As much as I want to be a stay at home mom, I understand that it has its own challenges. I would go nuts not being able to work. I like working. I strive best with 100 things on my plate. I would go crazy trying to pretend that I care what Dora is exploring today or what Micky’s special secret tool is to fix whatever catastrophe has broken out at the clubhouse. That takes more strength, dedication, focus and patience than I could ever even fake. That is a special skill that I do not think I will ever be able to muster up. While I think a stay at home mom has a different job and daily routine than me, I do not think either are more difficult or more anything other than more different from one another.
I get it, the article talks about a stay at home mom versus a working dad. So I will tell you my problem what that. Andrew works a different schedule every week, travels 10-13 weeks out of the year and has to be away from Turner more than I would ever be able to handle myself. And despite his job in sales, since I leave for work earlier than him, he gets Turner up in the mornings, gives him breakfast, packs his diaper bag, takes Turner to wherever he is staying for the day and handles anything that needs to be done that morning. Like last night, he gets home sometimes after Turner has gone to bed and doesn’t even get to see him. Despite working 40-50 hours a week when he isn’t traveling, he never misses a doctor’s appointment or a moment of Turner’s life. I can only imagine how hard it is for Andrew to balance all of that. Not to mention that Andrew is captain poop cleaner, and saves me from that turmoil as often as he can.
His balancing act of work and parent is no harder or more prestigious than mine or a stay at home mom’s. It is just different. I couldn’t imagine being the only working parent and the stress that being the sole provider for a family would bring. That seems like it would be something just as tough to deal with that the to-do list of a mother.
I am tired of this argument. Stop arguing equality and gender rights when you keep trying to differentiate yourself based on gender roles. You’re a stay at home mom? Awesome! You’re a working mom? High-five! You’re a working dad? Neato! You’re a stay at home dad? Claps for you! What is the stinking difference? How about you are all parents trying to do whatever you think is best for that sweet piece of perfection.