I know that I play a special roll in Turner’s life. I am his mother, I gave him life. Despite every effort that I could possible put forth, there are things in this world that I will never be able to do for or teach Turner. For those things, I am not enough, but instead, Turner needs his dad. Lucky for Turner and I both, he has the most remarkable man to call dad.
The love a father has for his some his beyond explanation. The relationship the two of them have is far beyond anything I could ever have with Turner. He needs his dad. He acts noticeably different toward his dad than he does me. Just seeing the two together is remarkable. Its a bond that I cannot even begin to explain, its just something you have to witness to be able to fully understand.
When Turner was first born, Andrew had to travel for work. Turner was just a few weeks old, I was exhausted and a new mother and would have liked to stay at home around my family and my comforts and take the easy route, but I knew deep in my heart that Turner needs his dad. It was only for a week at a time, but since Andrew had one trip up north, then another to Florida, Turner and I were right there with him. There was not anything in the world that would have made me to think that Turner didn’t need his dad during those crucial weeks in Turner’s development. That was when this remarkable bond was formed. Each day Turner was learning and getting to know us as his parents. Andrew has to travel for week about 10 weeks out of the year. He has no choice but to leave Turner, and he hates it. It destroys him. Seeing a grown man cry for his son is not something I want to have to see if I can help it. Andrew’s job allows Turner and I to have a great life, and for that I am thankful. I understand Andrew has to be away from us. But every single moment we can, I want us to be together. Though he may never admit it to anyone, being away is probably harder on Andrew than it is on me. When we went with Andrew on his work trips, I was terrified that even though it would have been much easier for me to stay behind with friends and family, Turner needed his dad. But just the same, Andrew needed Turner. I couldn’t just think about myself. Andrew needed to bond with Turner just a I was. He needed to be there with him, for him. There wasn’t going to be anything keeping my family apart.
I know that there are situations where dads have to be away from their families. Things beyond a families control keeping father’s from their children. But these are extreme circumstances and I whole heartedly believe that if it can be avoided it should.
This blog post came up this weekend watching Andrew with Turner. I have been a little sick, as has Turner. Turner tested positive for RSV last week and has been a fussy mess all week. He has been sick and whinny and just pitiful. But he had his dad. I would cuddle Turner and give him his medicine and do all the motherly things I could think of, but sometimes, Turner just needed his dad. I needed Andrew too. I got snowed in at my mom’s house one night last week. While the weather wasn’t that bad, I wasn’t going to risk driving Turner in it. I have written about my neurotic fear of driving Turner before, so with snow and the risk of ice, no way jose. So I stayed at mom’s.
Even though I was with my own mother, and my younger sister, who has a daughter of her own. They couldn’t care for Turner like Andrew does. They couldn’t provide Turner with the same comforts he got from his dad. It was noticeably apparent that something was missing, and that something was Andrew.
What if Turner and I hadn’t made Andrew’s work trip with him so early in Turner’s life? What if the two of them has missed that crucial bonding time? I would never forgive myself.
Watching Andrew love Turner makes me love Andrew more than I could have ever imagined. He is a remarkable man, and outstanding father. He not only takes care of and provides for me and Turner, he is our strength. A father’s love is something that cannot be replaced or found anywhere else but when a father is holding his child.
I thank God every day that he brought Andrew to me and that he found a man to take care of me. I thank God that he gave me the strength and courage travel with Andrew so early on because I know deep in my heart it was the right thing to do for our family. It wasn’t easy, but it is what my family needed.
I have a connection to Turner because I gave him life. I didn’t have to work for that connection (other than the painful labor), its innate that Turner knows me and connects with me. Andrew had to work for it. He had to earn it, and he did and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.