I have spent the day snowed out of work and home alone with Turner. A “major” snow storm is dumping down around us. It started a little after daybreak this morning and there is maybe four inches now.
I am extremely thankful for the opportunity to stay home with Turner again. For the first six months of Turner’s life I was able to work in the office three days a week and then stay home with Turner two days. It was the best set up ever. I got the best of both worlds, working parent and stay at home mom. I switched jobs at the end of December and started working five days a week again. I had not really thought about it much, I have just spent the last month or so working and not paying much attention to the change. But I noticed it today.
Here I was at home with Turner, alone. I had no idea what to do with him. I don’t know his schedule. I don’t know when he naps, I don’t know when he eats, or what he likes to eat. I don’t know when he snacks or what toys he likes. It was like he was a stranger. Sure Andrew and I are home with Turner on the weekends, but those days are usually spent running around for errands or something, so there is no normal schedule to adhere to. But today, here I was with my son, and I knew nothing about his daily routine.
That is heartbreaking. It has not even been two full months and I am already out of touch with him. I didn’t even realize he was getting into the cabinets and pulling open drawers in the kitchen. I didn’t know that he is perfectly capable of dropping his toys in the toilets. I didn’t know that he literally chases you as you walk around the house. I didn’t know that he started this new thing when you take things away from him that he shouldn’t have, he now has an attitude about it, and lets you know he doesn’t like it.
You know how bad that sucks? I just want to grab him up and never let him go. I am missing it all. It is like I am the babysitter. Like I am the stranger, certainly not his mother. This could not be less fair. This just goes back to my earlier posted rant about the different challenges of working moms and stay at home parents. I would give anything to have that perfect balance again. To be able to work tirelessly to provide for my family, but then still have adequate time to spend with Turner. I miss him. I miss him so much. He is asleep when I leave in the morning, and I only get a few hours, if any at all, with him when I get home. I know this is just part of it all, but geeze, today made me realize how crummy it really is.