A first I have been avoiding since the day Turner was born…

So today was a first. A really, really crummy first. A day I have dreaded and feared since I first held that little boy in my arms. I am still angry about it. I still have knots in my stomach. 

This morning, for the first time in Turner’s perfect 10-months here on this earth, we left him with someone who was not family. We have been forced to resort to daycare. 

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I thought I was going to lose it. But fortunately, I kept it together. I think part of that can be attributed to fighting a stomach virus with every ounce of my being that I have been plagued with since Friday. So I was a little too woozy to get emotional about it. I think Andrew and I also were able to walk away fairly easy this morning because we lucked up with the private in-home daycare that we found. 

There is no childcare where we live. 50% of children that need to be in daycare aren’t, because there is such a shortfall here. But luckily, a spot opened up less than a mile from Andrew’s office  in an amazing day care. It is small, which is what we have always wanted. It is still gut wrenching to know that someone I just met a week ago is watching my son. 

We had no choice. My mom got called back to work and could no longer keep him. I know it was something that had to happen eventually anyway. I can’t keep him home forever. I guess it is better to do it now before Turner is in full stranger danger mode. 

I think I would give up a limb willingly every single day to stay home with that little boy. Leaving your child everyday to go to work is the worst kind of guilt. I constantly envy stay-at-home mothers. I do math each week to weight out how much money I would really be losing if I stayed at home and kept Turner myself. I just miss him. All the time. Especially today because I haven’t really gotten to see him since Wednesday because I have been so sick. So I have been keeping my distance.  

We also took Turner to his first baseball game on Sunday. It was one of those things that was more for us than him, but he enjoyed himself. He loved the mascots. On Tuesday, we are taking Turner to his first Atlanta Braves game. For those of you who know me, know this is pretty dang exciting. 

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It is safe to say we are Brave fanatics. We are doing the big glitzy sign, stalking down the mascot, the whole nine yards. While this will be Turner’s first Braves game, it will certainly not be his last.

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4 thoughts on “A first I have been avoiding since the day Turner was born…

  1. Don’t beat yourself up about it, the fact you feel so bad means you are a caring mum and doing your best. The children I know that have gone to day care have loved it and have grown confident and happy – they get the best of both worlds, a loving home and an environment where they can learn to develop in other ways.

  2. I too hate that my daughter has to go to daycare, but I live 500 miles from my closest family member! Fortunately, after almost a year at the same daycare, her teacher is so familiar to her. We have a really open relationship with the center. If something is wrong, I let them know and they do their best to correct it. My daughter is learning so much there. She’s ahead of all her milestones and loves hanging out with her BFF everyday. No one can do a better job taking care of my daughter than me, but I have done my best to find someone who can do a pretty good job. It’s best for her that I continue to work so I can provide for her.
    You’re a good mom and Turner will probably adjust easier than you will!

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