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Mourning the loss of one of the greatest people to have ever walked this earth

As I have told you all so many times before, the only thing I have ever wanted to do is write. I want to change the world with my words. One of the greatest inspirations I have ever had was from Maya Angelou. Today, in her North Carolina home, Maya passed away at the age of 86. 

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Today I remember her and all the things she has inspired me to be. I hope that one day, I will have as great of an impact on just one person, and Maya has had on this world. Here are a few of the Life Lessons Maya Angelou has taught me. 

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A weekend away to find each other

I cannot even begin to wrap my head around the fact that Turner will be one on Friday. In just a few days… how is that even possible? It was just the other day that I found out I was pregnant… it seems like just a few days since I was rushed in for an emergency c-section. And now, before I am even ready for it, I am panicking trying to make sure I have everything in line for his birthday party this weekend. 

I just don’t see how it feasible. Where has time gone? I want my baby back! I want my sweet little boy back, not this grown child that has replaced him! Ahh, it is so crazy. 

This last weekend Andrew and I took a weekend (what actually amounted to one full day away from Turner). It was the longest I have ever gone without him. But we wanted a little weekend vacay to celebrate each other, and that is exactly what we did. It was great. We got to have grown up dinners and have conversations about each other, and work, and things other than the fact that we were low on diapers and needed to pick up milk before we went home. 

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It was an incredible weekend. Andrew and I got to fall in love again. We got to find each other and get to know who we have become over the last year. I can assure that the woman I am today is 360 degrees different than before I had Turner. My priorities have changed, my opinions on different views and things have changed. I have changed, and so has Andrew. And lately, we hadn’t had the time to see those changes and understand them, so we were constantly at each other’s throats or mad about something silly. But with this weekend, we got a better understanding of who we have become as parents, and I cannot even begin to say how great that is for our relationship. 

So although all weekend long, Andrew and I both felt an immense amount of guilt to be away from Turner, at the same time, it needed to happen. I needed Andrew to see me for me again, and not just the mother of his child. And I am sure he needed the same thing. All weekend long I kept looking at him as if he was completely new. He is an incredible father, and a remarkable man, and although I have said it 100 times before, it still stands true, Turner and I couldn’t be luckier to have Andrew in our lives. 

If you haven’t taken the time to look at your husband or your boyfriend, or your wife or your girlfriend as more than the mother/father of your child, you need to do it. I was reminded this weekend that Andrew is so much more than Turner’s dad. He is who I want to spend everyday of the rest of my life with. He is mine. He is my best friend. And I can’t forget those things when I am looking at him across the changing table angry he isn’t handing me the wipes fast enough while I try to wrangle Turner, the baby escape artist. 

Because at the end of the day, loving each other and being happy in what our life brings, is one of the best things we can do as parents to Turner. 

 

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My blogging worlds collide…again!

I often tell you all about how happy it makes me when I can use this blog to relate to my work or vice versa. Today, I got to publish a blog on my website about how raising a child is similar to growing a website. The two are pretty interchangeable and have a lot in common.

So because I am so excited about it, I wanted to share it with you all… Enjoy! 

Check it out! 

Learning That Websites and Babies Really Aren’t That Different

, SiteDart Author

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Why you need to think before you speak.

As I have said time and time again, for me, writing is therapy. I have been struggling with something lately, and while it is not related to being a mother directly, because this blog is my outlet for writing and self expression, I am going to post it here. 

When I was a child, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) as well as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). At times, these things are crippling for me. The two disorders are very conflicting and often heighten the affects of the other. It is extremely frustrating and hard to deal with. If fact, the reason I am writing this blog in the first place, is because I have been obsessing over this topic in my head for days to the point to where I cannot stomach another thought until I am able to express my opinion. It truly is a curse. 

So here it goes. All the time on Facebook I see people who make comments about being so “OCD” or so “ADD.” Something like, “I just cleaned the whole house, I am so OCD.” or, “I can’t find my keys, I am so ADD.” These types of things urke me to no end, and lately have just been really beating me down. First, if people who say those things actually have either of the disorders, I understand and that is not who I am addressing this to. But for people, who actually have no idea how much those of us who have been diagnosed with these disorders, to just throw them around like it is a hobby kills me.

I wouldn’t joke about being OCD or ADHD. Because at times it feels like my life is being destroyed and controlled by these cancers in my life. They control me and how I function. I feel like a freak. I feel like I am standing out in a crowd and everyone is pointing and laughing at things I do or say or how I act when it is beyond my control entirely. It is humiliating day in and day out and just to get out of bed some mornings is a complete struggle because of these disorders.

I don’t feel like I need to get into the details of what degree of these disorders are or what my compulsions or triggers or ticks are, because that is beside the point.

Next time you clean your house, or see something that is out of place and it is bothering you, stop and think before you blurt out, How OCD you are about it. Because you have no idea how much my blood is boiling and I am physically restraining myself reacting to things that I actually am OCD about.

Next time you get distracted in a conversation, don’t joking apologize about how you weren’t listening because you are so ADD. Because when you are talking to me, I have to force myself to hear what you are saying. I have to actively try, because the light breaking through the window, reflecting off of the wall and only your shoulder is far more capable of keeping my attention and preventing me from even being aware that you are talking.

These are real disorders. You wouldn’t be sick with a cold and make some thoughtless comment about how you must have cancer, because cancer is real and serious. Well, for me, so is ADHD and OCD.

Be considerate.

 

 

ahhhhhh, I can finally breathe a little.  

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After being a mother for a year, the only advice I can give is…

We officially have a single digit countdown until Turner will be 1. May 30. I just have no idea how it has all happened. He is basically an adult. He eats mostly solid food. He no longer takes formula, he will take a sippy just as easily as a bottle, he runs everywhere he wants to go… time has just flown by. 

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Turner lost his strawberry while feeding himself. 

He is so independent. Most of the time when I am trying to feed him, he will fuss until I just let him do it himself. He is not even 1 yet and he already doesn’t need me! The other day, he even took his diaper off for the first time. 

He sleeps through the night, picks up books and knows to turn the pages, has little conversations with his cousin Madison, and before I know it he is going to be filing his own taxes. I just can’t handle it. He is such a grown up. 

When I was pregnant, everyone told me that they grow so fast. It was annoying to here. I got tired of smiling and nodding my head. But now, looking back, if there was one piece of advise I could give to new mothers or soon-to-be mothers, it would to cherish every single second with that sweet little bundle of joy, because before you know it, you will blink and it will all be over. 

One day I had a sweet little baby boy, then by 2 months he was sitting on his own. By three he was starting to wiggle around. By four he was crawling. By 5 he was eating baby food. By 6 he was pulling himself to standing and talking gibberish. By 7 he was starting to eat solid foods. By 8 he would stand on his own without support for long periods of time. By 9 months, he was walking. By 10 months he no longer wanted baby food at all and just wanted regular food. By 11 he was talking gibberish sentences and running everywhere. And in the next week before he turns 1, I am sure he will have some other milestone that will remind me that I officially no longer have a baby. 

I think it is tremendous how much that little boy has changed my life in the last year. So many things that used to matter to me are now long forgotten and the only thing that matters each day is him. Everything I do, every thought I have, every action I take is with the intent of preparing him for the best possible life. I don’t want to fail him. I don’t want to embarrass him or let him down. He deserves the world. He deserves the best of everything, and if I have to trade my last dying breath to give it to him, I will.

I am sure you have heard it all. I am sure, just like me, you have been given every piece of advice there is. Everyone knows the best way to feed a baby, to burp a baby, to bath a baby, to teach a baby, to get him to sleep, to cut his nails, to brush his teeth, to change his diaper, and every other aspect of being a mom. I can tell you how I did all of that for Turner, but that doesn’t mean it is the best way, or that it was even the right way for that matter.

The best advice, the only advice I can give and know that without a shadow of a doubt it is 100% certain, is that you should spend every available second you have with your new baby. You can’t ever get that time back and without even realizing it, it is over. It is gone. Don’t wait a month, a week, or even a day to pick up your baby and squeeze him or her. Don’t wait to read to them and tell them stories. To smile at them and watch their every move. Don’t waste a second. 

, SiteDart Author

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The day I decided I wasn’t going to be fat anymore.

I just refuse. 

I full out just refuse to keep being fat. 

I have complained about my weight for months. Turner will be 1 year old on May 30, and although I have lost some of the baby weight, I have not lost even close to enough. I starve myself. I try to stick to less than 1,200 calories a day, and even when I am weak and slip up, I still rarely ever get up to 2,000. That method allowed me to shed a couple of pounds, but it is just not enough and my body has reached a point to where it is going to lose anymore. 

I can’t join a gym. 

I am an extreme obsessive introvert, and I sit here right at this very moment thinking about having to walk into any of the gym options in my town, I basically want to throw up. That is how nervous it makes me. I just can’t do it. Last night, Andrew threw out the idea of a personal trainer, but I just don’t think I can do that either. I am a complete flake when it comes to commitment and when it comes to a commitment that involves an activity with another person… especially a stranger, just not going to happen. 

But I really am tired of being fat. 

I am not like fat to where I don’t fit in my clothes without much people to notice. Like, I still have the uncomfortable and embarrassing belly skin that is a result of having a baby. But what I have noticed, and while it may be in my head, it is all I can think about, is that I am expanding horizontally. When I see reflections of myself, I am wider. The point from one hip to the other, is visibly stretched to me. And it makes me so depressed I almost cry anytime I see my reflection. Lately, it has been getting worse. I am unhappy constantly about the way I look and it makes me unhappy in other avenues of my life. 

So yesterday, I decided I wasn’t going to be fat anymore. 

I always have excuses for why I can’t work out. Andrew makes time to go to the gym every day. I find reasons why I can’t go for a run in our neighborhood or why I can’t go for a walk on the greenway after work. But they are nothing more than excuses. And that all changed yesterday. I am not going to be able to cry away my fat. So I am going to work until it is gone. Image

So I went for a run yesterday. 

I felt really good about it. Just going, and knowing I was doing something active to make a change in my life made me feel better. Now if I can just stick to it. Well, no, that isn’t even an option. I WILL stick to it. I am going to do this. A couple of ways I am going to do this. Just a warning for you guys… I need someone or something to hold me accountable. I need motivation and encouragement. Andrew is no good for this because for one, he is basically out of town every other weekend for work, and two, he would rather give in to me than hear me whine. Even if the end result is me looking like a hippo. 

So I have decided that I am going to post photos. For all the world to see. Each week I will take photos and post them here. So if you don’t want to see them, here is your warning. That is why I haven’t posted photos yet, so you can be fairly warned. I need some accountability. 

So there is that. I hope it works this time, and hopefully this will be my last blog complaining about being fat and miserable. I am sure you all are just as tired of reading them as I am of writing and feeling this way. Not to mention, the blog I wrote for my job yesterday should have been all the encouragement I needed to get off my butt and do something, but it is just never enough!  

 

, SiteDart Author

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Motivation from greats like Walt Disney and Babe Ruth

As most of you know, in my real life (not my blog life) I am a writer. One of the blogs I recently wrote for the web hosting company I work for really hit home. I compiled motivational quotes that apply to business to pose the question, “Are you cut our for starting your own business?” 

Well, while the blog is targets for business owners, the motivational quotes and advice applies to all avenues in life. I thought I would share the article with you all 🙂 So check it out here, and let me know what you think.