As I have said time and time again, for me, writing is therapy. I have been struggling with something lately, and while it is not related to being a mother directly, because this blog is my outlet for writing and self expression, I am going to post it here.
When I was a child, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) as well as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). At times, these things are crippling for me. The two disorders are very conflicting and often heighten the affects of the other. It is extremely frustrating and hard to deal with. If fact, the reason I am writing this blog in the first place, is because I have been obsessing over this topic in my head for days to the point to where I cannot stomach another thought until I am able to express my opinion. It truly is a curse.
So here it goes. All the time on Facebook I see people who make comments about being so “OCD” or so “ADD.” Something like, “I just cleaned the whole house, I am so OCD.” or, “I can’t find my keys, I am so ADD.” These types of things urke me to no end, and lately have just been really beating me down. First, if people who say those things actually have either of the disorders, I understand and that is not who I am addressing this to. But for people, who actually have no idea how much those of us who have been diagnosed with these disorders, to just throw them around like it is a hobby kills me.
I wouldn’t joke about being OCD or ADHD. Because at times it feels like my life is being destroyed and controlled by these cancers in my life. They control me and how I function. I feel like a freak. I feel like I am standing out in a crowd and everyone is pointing and laughing at things I do or say or how I act when it is beyond my control entirely. It is humiliating day in and day out and just to get out of bed some mornings is a complete struggle because of these disorders.
I don’t feel like I need to get into the details of what degree of these disorders are or what my compulsions or triggers or ticks are, because that is beside the point.
Next time you clean your house, or see something that is out of place and it is bothering you, stop and think before you blurt out, How OCD you are about it. Because you have no idea how much my blood is boiling and I am physically restraining myself reacting to things that I actually am OCD about.
Next time you get distracted in a conversation, don’t joking apologize about how you weren’t listening because you are so ADD. Because when you are talking to me, I have to force myself to hear what you are saying. I have to actively try, because the light breaking through the window, reflecting off of the wall and only your shoulder is far more capable of keeping my attention and preventing me from even being aware that you are talking.
These are real disorders. You wouldn’t be sick with a cold and make some thoughtless comment about how you must have cancer, because cancer is real and serious. Well, for me, so is ADHD and OCD.
ahhhhhh, I can finally breathe a little.