Today is my sister’s birthday. You know, the sister who never reads my blog because she is habitually lazy and moderately self absorbed. Since it is before 10 a.m., I am well aware that she has yet to get up for the day. So that means, that I have about 2 hours to have this posted publicly before she sees it, and if she takes the time to read it, she may ask for it to be removed. I wanted to tell some of her deeper darker secrets, but because I fear the wrath that is Ruby, I tried to keep it respectable. Enjoy.
1) She was born on November 19. Our parents were married roughly 9 months early on February 14. So basically, she is a honeymoon baby!
2) She was born in Newnan, Georgia. You know that little hospital on the Walking Dead where Beth has been? Yea, in that one.
3) Her middle name is Annette, which was our grandmother’s name.
4) Well into her early teen years, she ate animal food. Rabbit food, dog food, cat food, you name it, she ate it regularly.
5) She is the most accident prone person I have ever met. She broke her arm jumping from a table to a bar stool, she sliced open her wrist carrying a mirror over her head, she had to have her inner thigh stapled shut after ripping it open while trying to sneak up behind me on the porch stairs, and those were just from when we were kids.
6) She had a cat named Turdy Butt. I have forgotten the reason, so feel free to ask her.
7) She used to be a gymnast. Like a really good one. They wanted her to train for the olympics. I forgot why she quit, so again, ask her.
8) In elementary school, all the teachers loved her. In fact, one year, our PE coach, Coach Benson, called Ruby out of class, brought her to my PE class and had her demonstrate the proper way to do a push up. How ridiculous is that?!
9) She single handedly ended cheerleading at our elementary school for 2 years for flashing the basketball team. (There is more to this story too, so feel free to ask)
10) She was once slapped in the face on the school bus by a girl for being too sassy.
11) After an awful hair cut, she gained the nickname “Robbie.”
12) When I was in 6th grade, I went through a rebellious stage. I was involved in an incident to where Ruby recognized my handwriting, ratted me out and because Miss Goody-two-shoes had to be perfect, I was suspended from school. Thanks sis!
13) We moved to Georgia for a couple of months when Ruby was in 8th grade. We were in the new middle school, which was probably as large as all elementary schools in a district here, for about a month when Ruby beat out the captain of the Cheerleading Squad for Class President. Mostly, because everyone thought Ruby looked like Britney Spears?!
14) We moved back from Georgia because I wouldn’t let Ruby wear a poodle skirt for spirt day. She pitched a fit, and as a result of not getting her way, we moved back.
15) Ruby went through an incredible “gangster” phase. She wore bandanas, both around her head and her thigh, listened to rap music, which she had to sneak and buy, and made some questionable dating choices. Oh, and her hair was jet black. There are photos to prove this, and you should all want to see them.
16) Ruby is a really talented singer. She has always been given solos and now sings in our church band. But what you may not know, is at a soccer game, while singing the national anthem, she completely botched it and walked away. She mustard up the courage to give it another try, messed up again, said something like “screw it” and gave up. I am not sure she has sung it in public since.
17) In high school, she worked as a front desk clerk at a Best Western in Cherokee, as well as a waitress at Myrtle’s Table. In college, she worked at Ryan’s in Sylva as a waitress, after college, in addition to working pre-trial release in Asheville, she was a bartender at Hooters.
18) In high school, she was on the homecoming court and was crowned Prom Queen.
19) I convinced her to run track with me her senior year. I decided that I didn’t want to do the high jump so I asked her to take my place. She had never so much as even attempted it. So she took off and did what I did. Since she is left handed, she probably shouldn’t have tried to jump from the right. She tore her ACL. Despite her leg looking like jello, our coach (who now coaches football in Franklin) told her to walk it off. My parents later took her to the hospital where they found out abou the tear.
20) Refusing to miss Spring Break, before she was fully healed she decided to take a trip to Florida with her gfs. She got a Staph infection and almost lost her leg. She wore a wound vac for months. The infection got so bad, it spread to her face and resulted in a golf ball size hole in her knee. She now has a wicked scar in its place.
21) She majored in Psychology in college and minored in Criminal Justice. She even had research presented at a fancy state conference in Charlotte. She also got her first tattoo, a pathetic, flesh colored spot, or the symbol for psychology, on her wrist. Although it is virtually invisible, she screamed so terribly during it, we almost got kicked out of the tattoo parlor.
22) She is the worst to play any game with. She is so competitive and relentless, she lost a roommate in college over a game of Cranium.
23) We used to abuse my little sister so bad, under Ruby’s direction, we would stuff laxatives in Tj’s pickles and force her to eat them.
24) She was WLOS’ Person of the Week for her work in her job that she quit to become a photographer.
25) She has a terrible animal hoarding problem and she always has. We have been banned from animal shelters. She gets it from out mother.
26) She won a push up contest on spring break, there is video evidence here on you tube.
27) She was born with a Hiatal Hernia and isn’t supposed to consume salt as a result, so instead she puts salt on her salt. Like literally, she takes a bag of salt and vinegar chips, and adds salt.
28) She has the worst personal hygiene out of anyone I know but does an amazing job masking it.
29) She is the best friend and best big sister that I have ever had. If she actually took the time to read all of this… Happy Birthday sister!